I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
