dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
