The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
