Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
