you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
