Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
