I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
