He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
