there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
