I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
