Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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