Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
