I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
