this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
