Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Come share oat with me in your robe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
