This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
