It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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