grandma shit on top of the toilet
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
