My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
