P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
