i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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