I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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