apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
