i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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