so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
