you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
