hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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