When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
