This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
