I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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