Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
