he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
