I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
