I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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