***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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