where am i from again
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
