I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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