She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
