i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
