my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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