I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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