Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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