I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
