normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
