break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
