Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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