i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
