she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
