4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize