Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
