I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
