Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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