So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
