I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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