Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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