I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
