i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I understand Curling. That high.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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