so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize