If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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