He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My bed smells like the plague
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
