So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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