Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
