The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
