That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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