He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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