I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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