We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize