I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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