I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
