when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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