My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
where does the pee come out of this thing
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize