and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
