i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
