You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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