He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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